Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in My Old Journals' LiveJournal:

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Friday, February 2nd, 2007
10:49 am	Thursday, May 42, 1990, 11:35 PM Well, all is not bright + sunny in "Coltonland". It appears he has one of those nasty...ugh...girlfriends. (*BLECH*) Sunny + I went by Subway tonight, + JJ was working. It seems Colton has gone to N. Carolina w/ his girlfriend + her parents. JJ reports him (Colton) to be "whipped"! Ugh. The worst kind of "taken" man. Well, when I was in the bathroom, JJ told Sunny he thinks I should just "hang it up", because Colton is so whipped. He then proceeded to say that he himself would like to go out w/ me, and asked Sunny to ask me if I would. UGH. Now I swear, if he tries to sabotage any chance I may have with Colton...God, I will be so pissed. I should just quit, give up. But hey, would he even show any interest if he wasn't willing to...I don't know. I'd go out with him once while he's still dating his 15-yr-old. But no more...ah, maybe more. What the hell. What's some 15-yr-old going to do to me? UGH! HOW COME? Sent Jerry's card today. Regretted it the minute it fell in the mailbox. Flasher in a rain coat walking through Century Village runs into old Jewish lady. Open coat. "What a lousy lining" lady says. Okay, now, JJ could be saying give it up to give himself a chance. Colton, Colton, Colton...don't you REALIZE? But I wouldn't want to be blamed for "ruining" anything. Jerry + Cindy Phillip + Sunny Colton + Ms. 15 So I guess he's sleeping w/ her. I wonder how long he'll be in N. Carolina? Come on, Colton! COLTON! I wonder if JJ's making up the "whipped" bit. No. I doubt it. But I don't think it's so bad that I don't stand a chance. Unless he (JJ) cuts in! I'll kill him. ===== Commentary: Dude, I was fucking nuts. What more do I need to say. This is freaking embarrassing. Um, Jerry and Cindy were broken up long before I ever entered the picture. And I had nothing to do with Sunny and Phillip breaking up - she hated him! I dunno, maybe I finally convinced her to do it if she didn't like him. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, January 30th, 2007
9:44 am	May 22, 1990, 11:45 PM Brent's back in town. He stopped by flower land for, like, 3 hours. Oh, well. I was bored. He + COLTON called tonight. At first I was kind of pissed, but hey. I'd date him, I think. I'll probably stop by Subway tomorrow night. I wonder how old he is. My guess is 17, though I'm hoping for 18, + 19 would be GREAT. I wouldn't have to hide it. Mommy would freak, and have me arrested for statutory rape, whether we had sex or not. Sunny didn't call today. Neither did I. Bought a "hi" card for Jerry. ===== Commentary: Extra one today since it's been so long. "Brent" was a friend of a "friend", "Cris", upon whom I had a serious crush for YEARS after working with him at McDonald's. I found out he died about a year before our 10-year reunion, of AIDS. "Brent" was kind of a pest, but we hung out some. I was pissed that "Colton" called? Boy, would *that* change! I was still quite emotionally immature, and aside from "Sunny", most of my good friends were two or three, or even more, years younger than me. As were the guys I was interested in, because most of the guys my age were already having sex, and I wasn't, and I wasn't ready to. I don't know if I ever sent that card to Jerry. I hope not. I would later prove my stalkitude in other ways, if I hadn't already. (Comment on this)
9:33 am	Monday, May 21, 1990, 11:23 PM Well, Sunny called today. I almost gave in. Why didn't I? Am I really doing this for me? Or to somehow make her suffer? Nah. I just don't want to be friends w/ her any more. Anyway. Ugh, ugh, ugh... I just want someone to hold me. Hold me while I cry, and not care, or feel uncomfortable. Jerry? Jerry? Alan would be uncomfortable. Jerry? Jerry like he was the night of "Pet Semetary". What the hell do I want? Why don't I know? Why doesn't Jerry love me? ===== Commentary: On to a new notebook. Skipping to 1990, because it's what I found. Also, I'm changing most names, because I still talk to some of the people involved, and some others are still around...so, if you knew me or these people, you might know who I'm really talking about, which is fine, but I just don't want people like, doing searches and coming across themselves here unwittingly, or something. I had lived with Sunny in a crappy backyard apartment on 54th St. for like 6 months. I had recently broken up with my second boyfriend, who was also my first boyfriend - we dated for like 6 months, broke up for a year, and then were together again for 11 months. Sunny and I were not speaking. She was having furniture or something delivered to the apartment she was now sharing with her boyfriend and his roommate. They all had to work, and I worked later the day of the delivery, and she asked me if I would stay at her apartment for the morning and accept the furniture, just signing as her. To the normal person, this would have been no problem. I was not a normal person. I was terrified I something would happen, the delivery guy would know (and care) that I wasn't her, the puppy they weren't supposed to have would get out and management would yell at me. Any number of horrifying situations came to mind, and I refused. She was confused and aggravated - why was it such a big deal? But it was to me, and I thought that should have been enough. But she kept pestering me about it, blah, blah, blah, and finally I just stopped talking to her. Months later, after we had reconciled, a friend of ours (Stan) told me that Sunny and I had told him the EXACT same story, all of the details and everything, but we both just had completely different takes on it. Usually, he said, the details vary from story to story, skewing toward the interest of the teller, but our stories matched perfectly. Yup, still a whiner in 1990. Just wait. (Comment on this)
Friday, October 3rd, 2003
11:06 pm	July 31, 1985 Hi. 'Snu? I think I will go back to CAPA. Mrs. Paris thinks I'm very musical, that I play well, & that I show potential as a singer! Do you believe it? Sleepover at Katie's Friday. So far I only know that Meghan, Paula, & I are going. I assume Heidi will be there. I miss my (I wish) Christopher. Only 3 more days till I can see him. Let's see... 63 1/2 hours till then! Nope. 87 1/2 hours. That seems so long! That makes 3.70 days. Yuck. ----- I'm bored. I want my Christopher. Katie is only me & Meghan & maybe Sharon & Paula. ===== Commentary: Guess I need to start searching those boxes! (Comment on this)
10:11 am	July 30, 1985 I don't believe I forgot to write what happened at Katie's party. Chris & Katie had to walk David home. When they got back (we were gone) they talked on the porch. Then they started dancing. then Christopher kissed her. Katie told Meghan & Paula not to tell me cause I would be mad. Bingo! But she said it was just a birthday kiss & neither of them took it seriously. I hope not! Christopher Wendy aeiou 12345 02110 14455 I never thought Lisa would be so guy-crazy! ===== Commentary: One more page in this journal. Guess I have to scour some boxes for the next! Think it's going to be unsent letters rather than a formal journal, though. The formal journals don't kick back in until 1990, I think. With any luck, they'll actually be interesting. But that may not happen until later. We'll see! (Comment on this)
Thursday, October 2nd, 2003
9:42 pm	July 29th, 1985 I don't want to go to CAPA next year (this year). After all these things Amy & Michelle are saying about Mr. Garrick & Mr. Knapp, I'd be too uncomfortable with them to learn anything. I have to talk to Mommy. ===== Commentary: What "all these things" were, I'm not sure. I think it had something to do with pot smoking. BFD, eh? But I was Little Miss Goody Goody Christian at the time. I always *did* think Mr. Knapp was a little creepy, even though I might have had a tiny little crush on him. (Comment on this)
Monday, September 29th, 2003
9:01 am	July 18, 1985 Julie's tomorrow. I called Robyn to get Julie's number. Robyn said she's talked to Chris every night. He asked if she was going to his swim meet. She said yeah, & that I might be there cause I'm staying at Julie's. He was like "Really?!" Robyn said something like she thinks I'm cool. He said, "She seems really nice. She's so quiet." Some of the ways Robyn was talking makes me think that she thinks maybe he likes me. I can't wait till tomorrow. Don was going out w/ Maragret Baroness a while ago. Talk about bad taste! ===== Commentary: "Nice". Freaking "Nice". Bane of my late existance. But that really has nothing to do with this journal entry... (Comment on this)
Thursday, August 28th, 2003
10:02 pm	July 13th, 1985 Katie's party: Katie Chris Heidi Jason Holzman Sharon Matt Wendy Brian F Meghan David Megan Brian Becky Paula Nola Boring at first. When it got dark, Katie lit candles, turned out the lights, & told everyone to dance, but she & Chris were the only ones who did cause everyone was too shy, but other people started. Chris finally asked me to dance. I turned so red. I felt sort of weird cause I was closer to him than the other couples were. I had my head on his shoulder & his was on my head. Everyone else had their heads up. Then I danced with Jason, David, Matthew, & then Daddy came, but Matt said his dad could take us. Thank Goodness! If he hadn't, I wouldn't have danced w/ Chris again! The second time was better. He held me tighter & had his head on my shoulder. He kept pulling me closer, & Meghan said his eyes were closed,& I know he didn't close his eyes with everyone. I closed mine, too. When the song was over, we danced until the last second. It was like he didn't want to let go, either. When we did, we sort of slid our arms off to the fingertips. I loved it! It really did seem like he didn't want to let go, either. Maybe I'm making too much of this, but it's fun to dream. I sort of flirted with him. I could swear he was staring at me while he danced with other people. I really hope he likes me, even if I did have whipped cream in my hair. I [heart] Chris Barnhill I wonder who Chris likes. When Matt asked me to dance the first time he goes, "Well, since Chris is taken..." (Comment on this)
Saturday, August 2nd, 2003
12:03 pm	July 6, 1984 Hello, hello, hello. Long time no write! Let's see if I can remember everything that's happened. On Wednesday (July 3) I went to the movies w/ Julie, Meghan, Chris, + Matt. Nothing happened. Hung around with Katie + Heidi at the fireworks. It seems that everyone but me knows from first-hand experience how good (very) Chris kisses. My turn! ===== Commentary: That was "everything"? (Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 8th, 2003
7:11 am	June 24, 1985 By the way, here's what happened in the car on the way to church (me, Chris, Julie, Tim, Robyn, Gabe, Dale) o D G TCR J W Julie: whispers something about Robyn telling Chris, then, louder, "You could always throw yourself passionately at his feet." W: Right! J: (normal voice) It wouldn't be too subtle, but it would work. Robyn looks back, "You're talking about...?" rolls eyes toward Chris. CMU was cool. Amy (Porter) is going. I [heart] Chris That clarinet Jeff kept staring at me. ===== Commentary: I would appear that none of them were Queens of Subtlety. I attended a summer music program at Carnegie Mellon that year. It was actually one of the best times of my life to that point. Completely immersed in music. And I finally got to sing. And being at the college was pretty cool. My dad worked there, so after classes, I would hang out around campus until he was done. I always drank a Dr. Pepper at around 3:00, and had massive trouble getting to sleep every night - I had no previous experience with cafeinne! Amy Porter (Comment on this)
Thursday, April 3rd, 2003
7:15 am	June 23, 1985 Just got back from the retreat. It was so cool. I had such a blast! I think I'm actually beginning to fit in! People: Becky Matthew Wendy Brian Meghan Chris Julie Gabe Robyn Greg Martha Dale Nate Becky is such a sweet person. So is the rest of the YG. Everyone talked to me. Matt threw dried Weight Watchers apples at me! We went to the falls. We climbed the mountain. It was so fun. Nothing happened with Chris, but now EVERYONE knows. Julie & Robyn said, "We're going to get you two together." I hope it works! Then Becky & I were on the dock w/ Matthew. Becky asked him to ask Chris if he likes me. Somehow (Julie?) Brian knows. On the way back, Matthew vandalized my hand. He wrote "I LOVE CHRISTOPHER FREDRICK BARNHILL" Chris' middle name is "Mattingly" (we were joking about the Fredrick) I had so much fun. It was such a blast. I love the youth group so much. I'M SO HAPPY! ===== Commentary: What a difference a weekend makes, eh? (Comment on this)
Friday, March 21st, 2003
8:44 am	June 16, 1985 We had a Y.G. picnic after church, but Chris didn't come. I had a lovely convo w/ Tim: W: Why didn't Chris come? T: ? W: Hey, Megan, we should call him! T: Yeah, our phone #'s 441-... W: Yeah, I know. T: (says something) W: I know your address too. T: Oh. Maybe Tim will say something to Chris. I told him to say hi to Chris for me. I hope so. Megan still likes him. Tough. I want him. He better come on the retreat. That would be so cool. And maybe I could start something. I really do wish Meghan would talk to him for me. Just tell him I really do like him, & I'm just too shy to tell him myself, cause God, am I! I wish I weren't. I like him soo much! So, Meghan, if you happen to read this, you know what I want you to do. It would be so funny if she showed him this book. Talk about embarrassment! God! Looking back at some pages, I feel like tearing them out, just in case. I guess Liz & Katie can't come on the retreat. Why is it so hard for me to tell people, esp, guys, how I feel? I really wish it weren't. Enjoy your reading Meghan? I hope so. Just follow the advice. If you're going to be a snoop, at least let some good come from it! Come on, Meghan, Go for it! Pweaze?! Actually, Meghan, I want you to read this! Long entry, huh? That picnic was so dumb. I don't know why I still go to those YG thing. I feel so left out. What really gets me is Celeste. She's been there less than us & she fits in fine. Okay, maybe it is my fault, But every time I try to fit in or say anything, if the "people" don't ignore me, they look at me like I have purple hair & orange polka dot skin. I hate it so much. I'm sick of trying to fit in. This is it. This retreat is absolutely it. No more. I've tried, it doesn't work. Maybe if...dream on, Wendy. Hardly. Forget it, dear. I've tried my best. Forget it. Bye-bye, guys. See you in Sunday School. No place else. SO THERE! Not that they care, anyway. If I disappeared tomorrow they wouldn't notice. ===== Commentary: Ah, where to begin? Psycho Stalker Chick strikes again! I know your address and your phone number and I'm coming to get you! Bwa-ha-ha-ha! Megan and Meghan are two different people, the one with the "h" being my sister, the other being a girl from church. I still frequently feel like I'm being ignored... It's interesting that it didn't hit me until just now that being poor probably played a big role in my social acceptance. Almost everyone I knew was either upper middle class or flat-out wealthy. They all dressed in the latest fashion, had perfect hair and makeup, and a lot more "class". I was basically unkempt, wore my Dad's old clothes and the rich kids' hand-me-downs, and was painfully shy. It's not that the people at church weren't basically nice, I just didn't fit into their worlds. Don't get me wrong - I think back on that era and actually am quite proud of my funky style! It's just odd that I didn't really notice it at the time. And how ironic, the mention of purple hair. Little did I know. (Comment on this)
Friday, March 14th, 2003
7:53 am	June 9, 1985 I just saw Chris this morning and already I miss him. He sat next to me in S. School, his choice, & there were other seats left. We talked about finals. Then after choir rehersal (Dan, Katie, Chris, & Eric went to a Baptist Church & got back early) Chris was going to do the hand jive w/ me, but Lizzie butted in. Foo her. I MISS CHRIS I don't believe the rumors Mrs. Sax is spreading. She told Zod I was really glad & happy he is coming back to CAPA. Ha!!! I [heart] Chris Barnhill para siempre... ===== Commentary: Duly noted: I was a little obsessive. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 12th, 2003
7:18 am	May 23, 1985 Cedar Point was awesome. Me, Laura Egan, John Spellman, & Cindi. I rode the Gemini twice & the Demon Drop. I think John might like me. He kept sitting w/ me on rides & on the bus home he sat next to me. John is an ultra-cool, ultra-funny dude. He is so great - as a friend. I could probably learn to like him. There were little bugs everywhere. Dan B. went. Mrs. Sax came up to me at my locker yesterday & says something like "He says he's glad you're coming back & he's looking forward to see you again." ===== Commentary: "No one likes me! No one will ever like me! Oh wait, someone might like me! But screw it, I don't like him!" I'd be a horrible parent. I'd be all like, "Quit your complaining, you whiny bitch!" The bugs at Cedar Point were wild. If they have love bugs in Ohio, that what they were. If not, they were the northern equivalent. A wall of one building was black with them, and when we walked past it, we had to wave our arms around to avoid inhaling them. Yick. Just thinking about it... My fingers are dyslexic today. I've corrected about fifty reverse-letter typos... (Comment on this)
Thursday, March 6th, 2003
7:20 am	May 20, 1985 I don't believe it. Mrs. Sax came up to me at the music program: MS: Wendy, are you coming to CAPA next year? W: Yes, why? MS: JASON TITUS wants to know. W: What!? MS: He wants to know someone when he comes back, or so he says. I'm not sure how I fel about this. [added later] It could be taken 3 ways: 1) He want to avoid me. 2) He likes me. 3) He really does just want to know someone. ===== Commentary: How many votes for number one? Anyone? Anyone? Yep, that's my vote. Must...avoid...stalker...freak...chick... Ugh. (Comment on this)
7:15 am	May 11, 1985 "Grease" at Schenley was real good. Chris was in it. It got me so depressed. I don't know why, but I'm so depressed. I want Chris. I want him. I doubt he even knows I'm alive. No one (guys) likes me. No one ever will. I'll never have a boyfriend. Never. God, please. Look at Katie. She likes a guy. She invites him over, & that's it. God, please give me the courage to talk to Chris. Please. I want him. Let him like me. I know you'll do what's best, but please let this be for the best. Please. I like Chris a lot. I'd love to be his. Please, God. Please. Thank you. Amen. ===== Commentary: I think I'm gonna puke... (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 5th, 2003
10:03 am	May 7?, 1985 The Barnhills weren't in church today. I think they ran the marathon. Tim said one of them was pulled out. Freak time. Katie Berlin has frenched Chris. What I wouldn't give to be in that place. I'd love it. Maybe next time they (people in Y.G.) have a party they'll invite me. I doubt it, but I hope so, cause Chris would be there. I'm going to be super-friendly from now on. I'll say Hi to everyone & anyone I know. Specially at church, & specially to CHRIS. I have to get him. ===== Commentary: Funny how things don't change. I never said "hello" to people I didn't know well because I was afraid they'd have no clue who I was, and I'd be super-embarrassed. It's the same now. I frequently see people I know at RSC, but I don't say anything, because chances are they have no idea who I am. Or maybe I'm just a big, shy chicken. Still. :P Chris Barnhill (Comment on this)
Tuesday, March 4th, 2003
10:44 am	May 3, 1985 Tis been a long time, dear diary. Long time. Paul Kisslinger: 3 dates for pros - girls pay, not Heather McIntire M. Hensel doesn't like him or C.B. Chris Barnhill: Megan Knox & Margaret Baroness = competition. Yick. Marianne came into Centers last week & goes "Barnhill!" She also told Dan, "Someone has a crush on your little brother." She should ask him if he likes me. I've got to make the move, though. I will, too. Nothing big, but I'll talk to him. Centers tomorrow. Barf. I con not believe how infatuated I was with Zod. Geek. Yick. Make me barf! (Comment on this)
Thursday, January 16th, 2003
10:52 pm	March 21, 1985 'Sup? Chris waved to me at Schenley, his move. I waved back. I should've said something. I don't want to move to Florida. Well, I do & I don't. What happens if I get involved with Chris? Far-fetched, but what if? I really couldn't take it. Just leaving un-involved would devastate me. God, please let everything work out for the best, for me & everyone. Please, god. Please. (Comment on this)
10:47 pm	March 16, 1985 Well, I'm shifting my energy to Chris Barnhill. I've got no chance for Paul over Marianne Hensel, & Mark is getting nowhere. So, Chris it is. The only thing is, how do I get him to notice me? At the Dusty Rhodes thing last night when we were fighting over the pizza boxes, he had his arms around me from the back trying to get my boxes. Drop the pizza boxes, & what do you have? Well, nothing, but throw some fantasy in, Wendy. Hee-hee. He was talking to me for a few minutes about Reizenstein people. And when Meghan & I were waiting for Daddy, Chris walked by & said, "Hi." I've got to stop this "Grinning Response" problem I have. Thing #2, how do I get Greg off my back? He follows me all over the place, talks to me every chance he gets, and yells, "Bye, Wendy" loud as possible out the car window. Barf. PLEASE! Lay off! (Comment on this)